Notes of Doubt

I mean my day life recently. Full of OT, OT, and OT, that's all. Boss came to me, asked me if I am busy. He knows I am, and I purposely said, remember my bonus, he laughed out loud. Hey, do something. So, you know why I don't write recently? Good.

Oh yeah, talk about paper, last week I went to see one of my friends in Tochigi prefecture who knows how to make paper himself. I have been in publishing, and what a shame, I have no idea how paper is made from. Anyway, at first, he specialised in sculpture, then went to New York two years ago under a scholarship to study about America's papermaking. He made a video about America's papermaking. I supposed to borrow the video but I left it at his house. What an idiot!

I took lots of lots of photos with my Canon EOS. Yes, I sent in for repair and now it's back. For last weekend, I used up 5 rolls of films (24-take and 27-take). I only sent in for development today. Got wedding photos, and old buildings in Tochigi, and families photos. It might take ages for me to upload it. I am so lazy to go through the whole process. You just got to wait.

      

Who Is Judging Whom?

March 11, 2003

The other day while we were heading to central Tokyo, in order not to let Erin drove us crazy in the train, we tied her up in her mercedes benz. Still she tried everything; smiled at the lady next to her, pulled the guy's pants who stood nearby, anything to get her attention, as if she doesn't get enough attention at home.

Then the next station, here came in two young guys, looked like college students. They watched at Erin doing all the circus activities. And someone got down the train, and these two guys moved close to us. Then when Erin looked at them, one of them tried to act all sort of funny actions like a pierrot to make Erin smiled. And Erin just looked at him without smiling at all. Oh please.

In such situation, we of course felt embarrassed. It's always the case, when ones kid doesn't act sociable, the blame for not discipline the kid well goes directly to the parents.

But, after a while this guy laughed while talking to his friend, "What a strict jury!"

If I were the guy, having my attempt to make a baby laugh didn't get any attention, most probably I would say, gosh this kid doesn't like me. Or, kids are so hard to understand, etc. but never have I thought that it is an effort that was supposed to be considered as "a kid is judging me."

I used to teach Cantonese a couple of times as part time while I was in university. I seldom hear Japanese complain about teachers are not good. Well, there are people who complain, but not as many as I would think of, like what I experienced in Malaysia. So, I thought, is this what people say about, Japanese are humble in learning? If they are not good, they would blame for themselves but not the master.

Of course I do hear Japanese grumble. But, by average, Japanese would say they are the one who is a bad student rather than complaining about having a lousy teacher. There is something about this learning mentality that I am very interested in them.

And what the hell Erin was judging at? What standard does she has in her, to smile at one and not the other? Hey, you are just a kid. Well, she is half a Japanese though.

      

Rainy Blues

May 17, 2003

It has been drizzling this last couple of days. This drizzle is much like the Japanese; vague, soft, obscure, and uncertain. It might drizzle the whole day, or it might make you moody and gloomy most of the time.

Malaysian like me prefer a sudden shower or a pouring, come in fast and go fast, at least it is clean-cut, neat, refreshing. Either make me all wet or totally dry, don't give me a damp day, damn it!

What else to do on a rainy month? Haven't I my reading list that I save up for a rainy day?

Comment posted by: M on May 20, 2003 10:53 PM

Thinking about the preference for sun or shade reminds me of the differences between Americans and the British all right.

AJM's mum comes to visit at Christmas when the weather in Texas is like English summer. When we're out in the garden, she always stands in the sun and I always look for a spot of shade.

His dad questioned the point of a chapter from an American gardening book on "shade trees". He couldn't believe people planted trees on purpose just to get shade.

My family, though, who lives in the treeless desert of Las Vegas, spends all their time here admiring the trees.

      

Those who live in cities - a place where it experiences tremendous changes within a short time period - always find it sad to find their so-called hometown, or their childhood vanish fast when they grow old.

I couldn't find the playground I used to play while I was a kid before kindergarden anymore. There were bushes, tall grass and river, just five minutes from central Kuala Lumpur. Most of the time after I arrived home at evening, my legs were bleeding due to the cut by leaves. There even some kind of worm or germ which made my little dicky swollen, and my mum used to bring me to someone's house where they raised chickens, put my little dicky into a hen's mouth. Believe it or not, the hen gave me a good blow job. Magically, the swollen would cure within a day, as if the hen had picked up the worm.

Gone was the past, as well as my mum, and the reality. I didn't see those bushes anymore when I grew up, nor have I heard about the magic that happened to me by anyone who is younger than me. When I talked about it, most of the time people thought I lived far from now. It was just the other day.

Funny thing is, it has to be a hen, not a cock. Well, I got one though.

      

Rewrite: 28th Nov. 2003

This is what my friend told me. Not sure, but he got this story from someone too. A guy took her girl friend to this one restaurant at Roppongi Hills, one of the expensive, sky-high in price and level for dinner. After dinner, they were guided to the veranda with night view for drink. Later on, there was firework in the sky, and then proposal and then a diamond ring. Oh, wasn't it touching? You would like to know more about it before you feel touch. This is 21st century.

My friend didn't tell me if the fairy tale started their real lives from the restaurant or just ended up at the restaurant. The restaurant. From my guessing, by courtesy the girl would have not wanted to embarrass the guy by saying no in front of everyone (there seem some friends around, I guess is to show off). So, they might have started their real lives there. That's the end of the fairy tale that I was told. Prince and Snow White live happily forever. But who clean up the dishes and the house, and who is going to work and to be the bread winner, or winners? And how to pay the bills? That's always real life awaiting the two couple after the fairy tale.

But, I just wonder, if the girl is a career woman, how she would have reacted if she has no interest in giving up on what she has gained in her career, especially in Japan, where there isn't any benefits to get married nowadays for female.

Most guys are salarymen nowadays. They work for others for life, with no dreams most probably. Women can work the same, in gaining big money like men. Not really the status in a firm though - Japanese firm has a very strong influence from its military system. That's why woman can never get into the system well. It's a guys' playground with no rooms for dolls.

From my Japanese female friends who are in their late 20s, among their girl friends of those who just married a few years ago, seem to getting divorce recently. There seem a tremendously high rate of divorce. I personally am very interested in the reason. Guy side's stories? No, no thanks. Guy is always the one who lives in his own world. I am interested in knowing the other side of the story actually.