Thursday, December 30, 2004
Where was I? Oh yeah, still in the mist of finding the time to update my archives. Am thinking if I should do anything here since I am not writing much recently. Perhaps I should keep the archives and start a new blog.
The other day I was chatting with one of my old friends who is in Malaysia. I said I really don't write much in English nowadays, and I said I might lose communication with you guys soon. The reason isn't because I have stopped writing, I think. Because I used to write and slowly I am not writing anymore, that makes it looks as if I "stopped" talking to them anymore. For my friends who don't write, I never feel like I have lost communication with them. All the while, they have not been writing anything about what they think, not blog nor even email. Then, he suggested I write in Chinese. Aha. I can't type Chinese technically. It takes time, but it isn't the language which I can really express myself nowadays. So, in order to know me, what can they do? Learn Japanese.
So, it's the season again. And for old time sake, last year this time.
Merry Christmas!
Life is What Happens While We're Busy Making Other Plans
Friday, December 31, 2004
Yesterday morning after woke up late, the scenery was whitened by an early snow in December. The excitement has gone about snow. It's just freezing cold, and I cannot do anything.
Wanted to change the interior of the house, so I decided to get some magazines for ideas and perhaps a few how-to-be-a-carpenter-on-weekend sort of for-dummies guidebook. Yes, DIY.
While thinking of doing the above, the body suddenly took me to the bathroom and got me showered for half an hour. After the refreshment, DVD player was on, and I was watching The Hours again. Twice. I must go and get the magazines for interior design. The first time I watched it was with English subtitle. When will the bookstore closed? The last time I saw The Hours, I was watching it with Japanese subtitle. Is it open today? It should be. It gave me a different impression. Or should I get the novel? I cannot recall what was the Japanese, not even one scene. But, I understood the movie clearly with Japanese the last time I watched it! May be I will go to the bookstore after the DVD. So, what was the impression that left in me? Was it just an image in my mind and not words? Then how impression supposed to expressed with for my case? Painting? Music? Picture? The bookstore might not have the varieties, I should try the one in central Tokyo for better selection of interior design book.
The second one was with actresses' commentary. And I think I am going to watch it again with Director and author's commentary. I don't think I can make it to the DIY shop today. Tomorrow might be better since it is snowing. Perhaps I should buy the DVD.
Late afternoon before evening time, I decided to get out of the house despite the snowing. It was quiet everywhere. Nicole Kidman's nose. Snow has the power to absorb noises. Like an infant, anyone who sees an infant sleeping, steps will become slower and softer.
When arrived at the station, the train was stopping there, rushed in and found that it has stopped there for some time due to some traffic jam and so the delay. Idiot stood by me. I felt as if I was on a stage, but no audience showered me with attention. A star without applause. Getting off the train—giving up being a star—needs courage. Should I write another review of "The Hours?" Some soft of energy that needed while failure was faced, those kind of emotion. I am just a pedestrian on a journey called life.
Found the magazines I wanted, got about four of them. Virginia Woolf. Do they sell the type of fountain pen in Japan anymore, the one Mrs Woolf's using to wrtie her novel? And the board that has the little ink dipping pot on it? While having my early dinner at a Thai noodle restaurant, I circled and made notes on every prospective ideas. Virginia Woolf. Nicole Kidman.
Went to another bookstore again, and tried to go to the foreign books corner. I found The Hours. It was a paperback, the line spacing is oddly too wide, and the sentences weren't romantic enough to read for me. Do you think "Mrs. Dalloway" will be around? Perhaps I lack of imagination with English reading nowadays. But this one, it urged me to read all the excerpt at Amazon. The interests of the so-called foreigners are not the interests of mine. I am another type of alien, from another planet. Would this kind of solitude the same one as Virginia Woolf felt?
Read a few on other authors' fiction. None of it burned up my reading desire. I tried to read some other movie novels which may be easier to read as I have known the story, for instance Runaway Jury. And I realised one thing: I might not like those bestseller novels. Should I get the DVD for "The Hours?" At the same time, dimly in my mind, I know the reason why, why all the novels in front of me never appeared to be sexy. I prefer interaction in English (I wanted to go to London before, where has the passion gone to now?), I don't want solitary hardwork-ships. I want voices, I want echo. Woolf always hear voices. If reading excites all senses of a human body, I want to read something that is not only echo in my brain, but rather give me a touch in my heart. Was Woolf's life a tragedy? Another thinking came up: I might want to read something else, something classic, something I read before.
While the thought was still spinning in my mind, I was on the train back home. It stopped snowing already. The silentness has an impact that generates my imagination. The little "hummock" created on the side of the road or in a tiny farm, it reminded me of Snow Country. The tunnel, the snow country, the Japanese countryside. And the classic train. Mrs Woolf tried to take the train to London. Being her husband must be terribly hard. Was it about feminism? Why female want to be like men, to work and to live in an imaginary world called society? Female are solid and real. They can create man and men, and men. But men live in fantasy, live with his romance, live on unreality. All in all, men talk shit, talk about vision which can't fill ones stomach. Men are born to be good at such thing, that's why he envisioned the home and created it, differentiate himself from animals, and the home is the cell of the first dream. But, when things have gone too far, he started to make the cell more complex and complicated, and he created society, the law, the country, and the world. Women are the only person who could bring men back to reality, to go back home, to stop dreaming, to sit on the dining table for real food.
Went into a coffee shop, ordered cafe latte, and continued my idea stimulation for interior, revolution.
When the first thing I woke up, what did I want to do in the first place, actually?
Back to the Future
Friday, December 31, 2004
I have a blog which I started with MT. It was time I learned how to write and blog. Ken Loo's World. Started since 5 Oct, 2002, before I started Notes of Doubt. I wanted to write so desperately.
Notes of Doubt will remain as it is, as well as the archives (Just updated). If I do here, it's more on personal notes. Well, from experience, sometimes things are too personal to write here because of personal reason. To one extend, should I call it, the things I write here will be my emotion rather than sensibility. When one writes, one expects people to read. So, I think don't be too radical with emotion is the best way to deal with it.
I want to do something different.
Thousand Leaves is the Japanese oldest poem collections, man'yoshyu (The Collection of Thousand Leaves). Some of the poem were written by unknown, or the time when it was collected, there wasn't any way to trace it. Or, someone who had written it but didn't want to been known of his social status. I will take that name as my new blog's title, and try to collect blog posts that are interesting. Always the case, the majority's voice can be heard. At the same time, the voice of the minority is there but seldom heard. When I can hear it, I wish it can be heard as well. I have been wanting to do it. Perhaps the time has come.
People Come and Go
Friday, December 31, 2004
Our third baby is expected to arrive in February next year. With Erin (3 years) and Karin (2 years), my wife decided to give birth at her mother's house, her hometown Sendai, as she couldn't imagine how she could do it all by herself here. Furthermore, her mother has been wanting her to go back so that she feels there's something she can do for her grandchildren. When one gets old, one wishes to live hopefully, I guess. I don't mind this thing, so I didn't say a word.
In order to be able to give birth at Sendai, she got to get a recommendation letter from the current doctor, and go to consult the new hospital two months before the expected date. I am not quite sure yet, but with the recommendation letter, "responsibility sharing" occurs (between doctors, or hospitals) and so the first-time consultation fee will be exempted, or else you have to pay for it, a few thousand yen, I cannot recall correctly. I never doubted it when I read it in Japanese, but when I write it down now, it really sounds odd. Anyway, that is the practice here to get a recommendation letter when you want to change hospital, if not, some hospital with specialists won't accept it. Will check it out later.
So, send the whole family to Sendai. At first, I thought I will take the shinkansen and send all of them to Sendai, and come back by myself. Rather, there are plans that has been going on. I was excused from my duties.
My wife's brother-in-law, her elder sister's husband, apparently volunteered to come all the way down to Tokyo and bring my family back to Sendai with his "car." His car? But, if his family (wife and two kids) is coming in the car, adding my wife and 2 kids, you need a truck, needn't you? Oh, don't worry, minivan is comfortable enough. That was the reason brother-in-law changed his car. Everybody wants to being hopeful to live with. It can be any reason, I think. Just a good excuse on a good timing. Should I angry? Nobody is angry, everyone is laughing. We are just human being who wants to live with some hope.
Then, things happened. Grandmother-in-law passed away. So, minivan cannot come, and went as I planned, I took all of them to Sendai. It was snowing when we arrived.
Funeral ended well. I am back to my home. Got another two working days to go before holidays start. It is normal to send out "mochu hagaki (in mourning)" so that we don't send New Year greeting card. Sent a batch in a rush before I left for Sendai. Will try to send the rest.
"Harlan County War" and "Cold Mountain"
Friday, December 31, 2004
The former movie was made in 2000. About mines labour strike in America. Not a new theme, but what the heroine says near the end stuck in my head for a while.
"...I am scared too, I am scared the kids are growing up without hope."
I need that too, daily.
In Cold Mountain, it has rather the same country songs here and there, like in Harlan Country War. The differences may be the stories take places at different century. It's kind of classic, yeah country song with guitar! Wow. When was the last time I hear about those songs? And where did I do it?
Cold Mountain is also an old theme, I guess. What makes the watching worthwhile perhaps is only the acting by the actor/actress that one trusts in. Without that, I really can't think of any reason to watch Cold Mountain.
What was the reason I picked the former then? Well, it was translated into Japanese as, American Justice in katakana. Odd, but may be that's how the Japanese sees it.